Men’s Mental Health in New Zealand: When to Seek Counselling and Support
Struggling with men’s mental health in NZ? Learn the signs, when to seek help, and how counselling and therapy can support your wellbeing.
Men’s mental health matters
You might be getting up, going to work, looking after your family and carrying on as usual - while feeling like things aren't quite right underneath.
Maybe you're more irritable than usual. You're drinking more to switch off. You don't enjoy things you used to. You feel constantly stressed, exhausted or disconnected. Or perhaps you're angry, restless or finding it difficult to explain what you're feeling at all.
For many men, reaching out for help can feel uncomfortable. You may have grown up with the idea that you should handle things yourself, stay strong or avoid talking about difficult emotions.
But struggling with your mental health doesn't mean you're weak, and you don't need to wait until things become overwhelming before asking for support.
Mental health challenges affect men across Aotearoa New Zealand. In the 2023/24 New Zealand Health Survey, 10.2% of men aged 15 and over reported experiencing high or very high psychological distress in the previous four weeks. The Mental Health Foundation also reports that men can face particular barriers to seeking support, including stigma, difficulty recognising when something has become a problem, practical barriers and expectations around being self-reliant.
If you've been wondering whether it might be time to talk to someone, counselling in New Zealand can provide a private, supportive space to work through what's happening.
What can men’s mental health struggles look like?
Mental health doesn't always look like sadness.
For some men, emotional difficulties may show up through changes in behaviour, relationships, work or physical wellbeing rather than through openly feeling depressed or anxious.
You might notice:
Feeling constantly stressed, overwhelmed or on edge
Becoming more irritable, frustrated or angry
Losing interest in hobbies, sport, friends or sex
Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
Sleeping too much or struggling to sleep
Feeling exhausted even after resting
Using alcohol, drugs, gambling, gaming or other behaviours to cope
Withdrawing from friends, whānau or your partner
Feeling like you're failing at work, home or in relationships
Experiencing persistent worry or racing thoughts
Feeling hopeless, trapped or like things won't improve
Finding it difficult to talk about what you're experiencing
Sometimes the first sign is simply the feeling that "I'm not myself."
The Mental Health Foundation notes that men may experience depression differently or have difficulty recognising it, and men can be less likely to seek help. Irritability, feeling flat, withdrawing from others or simply functioning less effectively can all be signs that something needs attention.
You don't need to have a mental health diagnosis to benefit from counselling. You may simply be going through a difficult period and want some support making sense of it.
Why might men struggle with their mental health?
There is no single cause of men's mental health difficulties.
Life circumstances, relationships, work, financial pressure, physical health, experiences of trauma and major life changes can all affect wellbeing. Sometimes there isn't one obvious reason at all.
For some men, pressure can build gradually.
You might be trying to:
Provide for your family
Manage demanding work
Deal with relationship difficulties
Adjust to becoming a father
Navigate separation or divorce
Cope with grief or loss
Manage financial stress
Recover from an injury
Deal with loneliness or isolation
Adjust to retirement or another major life transition
Manage expectations about what it means to be a man
Cultural expectations can also influence how people understand and express distress. Ideas about masculinity, strength and self-reliance can sometimes make it difficult to acknowledge that support is needed.
At the same time, men's experiences are not all the same. Culture, age, sexuality, disability, socioeconomic circumstances, rural or urban living, and connections with whānau and community can all shape mental wellbeing.
For Māori men, culturally meaningful approaches and connection to whānau, whakapapa, whenua and community may be important parts of wellbeing. Māori health models such as Te Whare Tapa Whā recognise that wellbeing involves interconnected dimensions rather than simply an individual's thoughts and feelings.
Good counselling should respect your individual background, values and understanding of wellbeing rather than assuming there is one approach that works for every man.
Why can asking for help feel so difficult?
One of the biggest barriers can be the belief that you should be able to deal with things yourself.
You might think:
"Other people have it worse."
"I just need to toughen up."
"I'll feel better eventually."
"I don't want to burden anyone."
"I don't even know what I'd say to a counsellor."
These thoughts are common. But waiting until you're at breaking point isn't a requirement for getting help.
The Mental Health Foundation identifies shame, stigma, practical barriers and difficulty recognising when support is needed among barriers to men seeking mental health support.
Counselling isn't about someone telling you how to live your life. It can simply be a place where you don't have to carry everything alone.
When should you seek help for your mental health?
You don't need to reach a particular level of distress before contacting a counsellor.
It may be worth considering counselling if you've noticed that how you're feeling is:
Lasting for several weeks or becoming more frequent
Affecting your relationships
Affecting your work or study
Changing your sleep or appetite
Leading you to rely increasingly on alcohol or other substances
Making you withdraw from people you care about
Making everyday tasks feel harder
Affecting your confidence or sense of identity
Making it difficult to enjoy life
Something you've been trying to manage on your own without success
You can also seek support simply because you want to understand yourself better, improve your relationships or develop healthier ways of managing stress.
What if I'm not sure counselling is right for me?
That's okay.
You don't have to know exactly what's wrong before making an appointment. A counsellor can help you explore what has been happening and identify what might be useful.
Your first session can be an opportunity to talk about what's bringing you in, what you'd like to change and whether counselling feels like the right fit.
How can counselling help men?
Counselling provides a confidential space to slow down and talk about things that may be difficult to discuss elsewhere.
Depending on your circumstances and goals, counselling may help you:
Understand what's going on
You can explore patterns in your thoughts, emotions and behaviour and begin to understand why you may be feeling or responding in certain ways.
Manage stress and anxiety
Counselling can help you identify sources of stress and develop practical strategies for managing worry, pressure and difficult emotions.
Work through anger and irritability
Anger can sometimes be easier to recognise than emotions such as sadness, fear or vulnerability. Counselling can help you understand what sits underneath anger and develop healthier ways of responding.
Improve relationships
If stress or emotional difficulties are affecting your partner, family, friends or colleagues, counselling can help you explore communication, boundaries, conflict and relationship patterns.
Work through major life changes
Counselling can provide support during separation, becoming a parent, career changes, grief, retirement, relocation or other significant transitions.
Develop healthier coping strategies
If you're relying on alcohol, withdrawing from others or using other behaviours to manage difficult feelings, counselling can help you understand these patterns and explore alternatives.
What types of therapy can help?
The most appropriate approach depends on your individual situation and goals.
Depending on the counsellor and your needs, therapy may draw on approaches such as:
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Helps you identify patterns between thoughts, feelings and behaviours and develop more helpful ways of responding.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): Focuses on developing psychological flexibility, making space for difficult experiences and taking action based on your values.
Solution-focused approaches: Focus on your strengths, what you want to change and practical steps towards your preferred future.
Person-centred counselling: Provides a supportive, non-judgemental environment where you can explore your experiences at your own pace.
Your counsellor can discuss which approach may be appropriate rather than expecting you to choose a type of therapy before your first appointment.
Counselling in New Zealand: What can you expect?
Starting counselling can feel intimidating, particularly if you've never done it before.
You don't need to prepare a perfect explanation of what's wrong.
A first session may involve talking about what's been happening, how it's affecting your life and what you'd like support with. Your counsellor may ask questions about your circumstances, relationships, wellbeing and goals.
You remain an active part of the process. Counselling should be collaborative and respectful, with space for you to decide what you feel comfortable discussing.
If you're looking for therapy for men's mental health in NZ, finding someone you feel comfortable with is important. The relationship between you and your counsellor matters, so it's reasonable to look for a therapist whose approach feels right for you.
Is counselling covered by ACC in New Zealand?
ACC may provide funding for certain types of mental injury, but general stress or mental health difficulties aren't automatically covered by ACC.
ACC can cover mental injury in specific circumstances, including mental injury caused by a covered physical injury, certain criminal acts including sexual abuse, and some traumatic events occurring at work. ACC also provides counselling and therapy through its mental injury services for eligible clients.
If you're unsure whether ACC applies to your circumstances, you can discuss this with your healthcare provider or counsellor.
For general mental health concerns that aren't related to an ACC-covered injury, you may still be able to access private counselling or other community and healthcare services.
Taking the first step
You don't have to wait until you're completely overwhelmed.
Sometimes the first step is simply admitting to yourself that things haven't felt right lately.
Talking to a counsellor doesn't mean you've failed to cope. It means you're choosing to take your wellbeing seriously.
If you're experiencing stress, anxiety, low mood, anger, relationship difficulties, burnout or simply feeling unlike yourself, Counselling and Therapy NZ (CTNZ) can provide a supportive space to explore what you're going through.
You don't need to have all the answers before you reach out.
Ready to talk?
If you're looking for men's mental health help in NZ, counselling can be a practical first step towards feeling more like yourself again.
Contact Counselling and Therapy NZ to book a counselling session and take the first step towards getting the support you deserve.
Frequently asked questions about men’s mental health in NZ
What are the signs of poor mental health in men?
Signs can include persistent stress, irritability, anger, withdrawal, low motivation, changes in sleep, difficulty concentrating, loss of interest, increased alcohol or substance use, relationship difficulties and feeling emotionally numb or hopeless.
Men don't always experience or express mental health difficulties as sadness, so behavioural changes can sometimes be important warning signs.
Why don't men ask for help with mental health?
There are many possible reasons. Some men may have learned to be self-reliant or avoid talking about emotions. Others may worry about stigma, being judged or burdening people. Practical issues such as cost, time and access can also create barriers.
What is the best therapy for men?
There isn't one therapy that is best for every man. The right approach depends on your experiences, goals and preferences. CBT, ACT, person-centred counselling and solution-focused approaches can all be useful depending on the circumstances.
The relationship you build with your counsellor is also important.
Can counselling help with anger?
Yes. Counselling can help you understand what may be contributing to anger, recognise triggers and develop healthier ways to communicate and respond to difficult situations. It can also provide space to explore emotions that may sit underneath anger, such as hurt, fear, stress or grief.
Can I go to counselling even if I don't have a diagnosis?
Yes. You don't need a formal mental health diagnosis to seek counselling. People seek counselling for many reasons, including stress, relationships, work pressures, life transitions, grief, self-confidence and personal development.
Where can men get mental health help in New Zealand?
You can start by talking with your GP, Māori health provider, counsellor or another trusted healthcare professional. The Mental Health Foundation also recommends considering Māori health providers, Whānau Ora providers, marae, hapū and iwi services where appropriate.
What if I'm worried about someone else's mental health?
Start a conversation and let them know you've noticed they may be struggling. You don't need to have all the answers. Listening without judgement and helping them connect with professional support can make a difference.
If someone is in immediate danger, call 111 or go to the nearest hospital emergency department. For free, confidential support at any time, 1737 is available 24 hours a day, every day.
Is it normal for men to struggle with mental health?
Yes. Mental health difficulties can affect anyone. Current New Zealand data shows that a significant proportion of men experience high or very high psychological distress, and men access mental health and addiction services in substantial numbers.
Struggling doesn't make you weak, and asking for help is a valid part of looking after yourself.